More Progress and Tidbits

Many apologies for the lack of blog updates-there have been some crazy long lapses in Internet connectivity and I am in the process of trying to remedy the situation!  In the meantime I figured some updates on the boys were past due.  I finally feel like I have a handle on things-we are beginning to branch out a bit from the 'basics' we were sticking to for the first couple of months. I will admit to having difficulties in trying to balance parenting and time for myself and at times feel somewhat lost, but these boys are amazing and there is no substitution for spending time with my family.

Yes Daddy O, it is 5 am.

Baby O is pretty shy now around other people and much prefers the company of Mommy, Daddy, and his beloved brother, Boy O (or 'Bubba' as he now calls him).  No worries about whether he knows who we are-he now calls us Ma Ma and Da Da. 

Boy O loved the book Green Eggs and Ham so much that I made him some one morning.  Regular colored eggs are a rare beast in this house nowadays-we have tried red, blue, yellow, orange and purple.  Somehow eggs just taste better when they are a different color.  Purple is my favorite.

Baby O can actually reach the door knob.  I don't know what I'm going to do when he starts walking without the help of the furniture.

Boy O is enamored with all things spiderman.  New questions emerge everyday about Peter Parker-here are a few that give me the giggles:  Is spiderman 8 years old?...Why doesn't he fly?...Does he eat carrots?...Does he like ice cream?...Does he have a motorcycle?...A car?...Does he live in a tree?...Is he friends with Santa Claus?

Baby O wants to do everything his big brother does, eat what he eats and go everywhere he goes.  He even asks for his 'Bubba' when he gets up in the morning.

Before Daddy O goes to work every morning he takes Boy O around the block in the front seat of the car.  Sometimes he gets so excited that he has his shoes and jacket on before we are out of bed.

Not only can Baby O identify all of us, but he can say ball, balloon, and bottle on a regular basis.  There seems to be something about the 'b' words that roll off the tongue.  He also loves to clap and just learned to blow kisses.  I turn into mush whenever he does it (Actually, I turn to mush whenever he does anything-it's all cute).

How does a four year old go through 4 pairs of shoes in three months?  He really does wear the soles down.  I'm training for a marathon and my shoes don't wear that fast.  We've tried the cheap and expensive and have discovered there really isn't a difference.

A few phrases I never thought would come out of my mouth:  Don't lick the table....How many times did he poop today?....where did you get that gum?....why is the door knob sticky?....Aim for the toilet next time, please....your spiderman underwear is in the wash, Buzz Lightyear will just have to do.   And yes, I can hardly believe it myself, but I have actually uttered "Because I said so" one time too many.

I can hardly believe that Boy O ever had training wheels.  For lack of a better term (do they still call it this?), he's popping wheelies, jumping off curbs among other things and his bicycle looks like he's had it for at least 20 years.  He loves to ride that bike.  He also loves to adorn it with various feathers and sticks we find on our runs-boy glitter, I guess!

Three months really has gone by in a flash and it won't be long before I am writing about six months home.  I am amazed that the boys have transitioned so smoothly in such a short period and the kinks I stressed so much about early on are working themselves out.  I'm sure that speed bumps and road blocks will pop up every once in awhile, but I'm just not as worried about them anymore.

Too Much Love

For the past six weeks or so, I have been writing fast and furious in my journal every evening.  I have written several posts and am thankful I chose not to click on the publish icon.  Something about the tone was just negative and angry.  Certain situations were beginning to seep and fester right down to my core.  Adopting transracially, I anticipated intrusive and possibly rude comments from people concerning our family, but could not foresee or understand how awkward I would feel in trying to find a graceful response in order to make a quick exit.

More often than not, my sons are present and putting me on the spot (especially in their company) leaves me incredibly flustered.  My older son can understand enough of the language to know what's going on and both can see that it makes me uncomfortable.  I am struggling to overcome the anger I feel at a complete stranger approaching me and asking personal questions concerning race and/or adoption. I do feel the need to be polite and teach my sons that anger is not a useful tool in dealing with these folks, but interestingly, it is my initial emotional response when boundaries are crossed.  I am learning with each new question and comment (you would not believe some of them if I told you) what responses work best and am also discovering that telling people a question is inappropriate and highly personal can be an educational moment for them, myself, and my sons at the same time.

Not only am I perplexed when searching for responses when dealing with adults, I have found answering questions from children to be equally as difficult.  These types of questions don't make me angry, but I just can't seem to find an answer that is satisfactory for young, inquisitive minds.  In responding to adults and children alike, Daddy O has demonstrated tremendous reserve, grace, and creativity-I continue to observe each day and hope that I can follow in his footsteps at some point.  One scenario that kept repeatedly confounding me last week was a little boy who would stop in front of our house on his bicycle as Baby O and I would play on the front lawn.  He would stop and stare at us for a few seconds, furrow up his brow, and say "Why do you have that baby?".  I would usually respond with something along the lines of "Because I love him.".  This of course was completely inadequate for his 5 year old mind and his next question would be "But why do you have THAT baby?".  My next response: "Because I do, I guess.".  Still unsatisfactory, but he would take off down the block and be back the next day with the same line of questioning.  This went on for about four days until Daddy O was present for the question.  I knew it was coming and was cringing at what might come out of Daddy O's mouth (I know, I know, where is the faith, Mommy O?).  Here is how the conversation went:

Boy on bike:  "Why do you have THAT baby?"

Daddy O (without hesitation): "Well, we just had too much love in our house and needed to spread it around."

Boy on bike: "What do you mean?"

Daddy O: "Well, our whole house was filled with boxes and buckets of love-so much so that it started to spill over into the garage and we had no room to park our cars.  Love was everywhere and we were running out of buckets and boxes, so we needed a family to soak up some of the love.  That's why we have THIS baby."

Boy on bike (eyes wide, looking at all the boxes and buckets in our garage): "Oh.  Okay."

He hasn't asked the question since.

Being witness to this short conversation completely washed all the anger right out of me. I will never be able to control or predict when and where questions/comments are going to present themselves, but what my husband taught me in that moment was to take a deep breath, don't hesitate, have courage and be honest in the moment-if it takes a bit of creativity and humor-even better.

Please let me clarify that my definition of honesty in this case is being honest with myself-this doesn't mean that I need to feel any obligation to respond or answer.

I love THIS baby.

Scenes From a Long Run

Fearful that the October marathon was closing due to an increase in entries this year, we signed up this past week.  All four of us-in order to run with the boys in tow, the strollers must have an official bib.   We normally don't sign up so early and I'm nervous.  A lot can happen between now and October.  I always feel a little more serious once it's official-and I'm worried that we won't be able to keep up with the mileage and the boys. I am finding that the run itself isn't so difficult anymore, but keeping up with a cruising baby and a very active four year old in the hours after a 16-20 mile run has been a challenge (on my tired legs). 

While we were running yesterday morning, I was thinking of how 'the run' has changed for me since pushing a stroller and came up with some thoughts on how I am learning to enjoy and think of this time much differently than in years past. 

I am no longer concerned with time and pace. When adding two more people into the mix of potty breaks, snack time, and hydration it has been next to impossible .  Unlike our adult mindset, potty breaks seem to be a fun adventure for a four year old and dropping a bottle along the road is just great entertainment for a baby.  This has been good for me as I have been noticing the beauty along our regular loop once again.  If I even start speeding up and getting a tad serious, I'm usually brought back to Earth by counting horses, looking for monkey trees and noticing the boats and ships along the river.  The view seems different and more colorful now.  And really, who needs time and pace when you can sing "If you're happy and you know it" and "The itsy bitsy spider?" 

Another big change I've become aware of-those motorists who feel the need to make comments as they drive past-I've been quite impressed that they have noticed the young ones in the stroller and have changed their tune from profanity to just regular old "Hey, you guys are crazy!".  I appreciate that they are watching their language now and would agree that we are a bit crazy.  No offense taken :)

There are some definite advantages to pushing a stroller as well.  The time spent driving out along the route and stashing water are gone, as we now have ample room for several water bottles,  diapers, first aid kits, sweaters, raincoats, cheerios, juice boxes, bananas, gloves, hats, toys, cameras and cell phones. I know that Daddy O rolls his eyes every time I run upstairs for an extra layer of clothing to put in the storage bin-but hey-you never know!

In any case, I am learning how to relax and enjoy the ride. I hope that we can run this marathon as a family, cheer other runners on and cross the finish line with smiles on our faces in October.  I want to say that we did it and we did it together.  There's still a long way to go but I will remain hopeful and the thought of having matching Family O running shirts keeps me going when inspiration runs low (there are just so many things we could do in this department-anybody have any good ideas?)

Mile # 2 & still happy. It can still be very cool here in the mornings and running along the river is even more so-we try to dress the boys in lots of layers.

Potty break and snack # 1 four miles in.

Mile eight and still going strong.

Potty break # 2 at around mile twelve.  He loves to wear my running jacket!

I don't even remember where we were at this point.  We try to switch strollers every few miles to ease the arm tension. I tend to have somewhat of a death grip on the stroller and my hands fall asleep.

Mile 16 and finished!  The first statement out of Boy O's mouth was "Can we ride bikes now Daddy?" . 

An Open Letter

Dear Candy Land,

I purchased your world of sweet adventure six weeks ago in hopes of teaching our son some useful social & communication skills as well as reinforce his colors in his new language.  At first I thought you were a waste of seven dollars, but in the last few weeks, you seem to have Boy O transfixed.

You have accomplished all that I had envisioned and more.  I have played you over 300 times this week alone and am positive Boy O has his colors down flat, not to mention (to put it mildly) a healthy competitive spirit.

Oh Candy Land!  Our luck can change in an instant and we live for the lollipop and ice cream card-once you make it to Princess Frostine, you are pretty much guaranteed a win.  Although I appreciate all that you are teaching us-I'm so TIRED of your magical landscape.  I hid you high in my closet yesterday morning, but you must have the ability to emit a high pitched sound only children under the age of five can hear in order to locate you.  I tried playing you outside in hopes a gust of wind might carry your many cards to a far away place.  I even purchased the game Perfection so we could move onto learning shapes but all my efforts at sabotaging your game have been useless.

Go easy on me this week-I'm sure I will see you after breakfast,

Mommy O

Before I Forget...

A comment from an earlier post asked what my impressions of being a first time Mom to both a toddler and a baby was like and how it was different with two. It was a great 'assignment'!  I thought that I should probably write these thoughts down before they become a distant memory. 

I really do think that Daddy O and I prepared for parenthood as much as a couple could.  We took parenting classes, watched instructional DVDs, read endless books on adoption & discipline as well as listened to scores of solicited and unsolicited advice from just about everyone we knew (and a few folks we didn't for that matter).  We baby proofed our home, bought age appropriate toys, clothes, furniture and books.  Just before traveling to Ethiopia, I even took the time to prepare exactly seven family dinners that could be stored in the freezer (I estimated that it would take me exactly one week to recover and start cooking again) and pureed one months worth of vegetables for Baby O.  I also made plans to resign from my full time job as a biologist-in my mind, that just about covered everything.  And yes, in case you haven't already guessed, I have been compared to the character 'Monica' from the TV show Friends.

Despite all my best intentions, I liken the first few weeks of parenting a toddler and an infant to the picture below.  I ended up with pages of descriptions in my journal, but this just sums it up better than words:

Now that I am able to look back, I honestly don't think that anything could have properly prepared me for the reality or shock of going from zero to two children.  I've heard people say that it is harder for us because we started with two boys at such different ages and that we didn't 'ease' into it like a family that gave birth to kids of the same age.  Is it any harder?  I don't know-I've never had just one.  I think it doesn't matter how you decide to start or add to your family or with how many-it will always give your body and schedule a 'jolt' and take time to adjust.  I would venture to guess that as new and experienced parents alike, we are all just as exhausted as the other. That being said, I will say that when I see people with twins or people with more than two, I am silently in awe and want to ask them how they do it.  Two months later, I still feel like the picture above on a regular basis :) by the end of the day.

Having two children, I find myself worrying whether or not I'm spending quality time with both boys equally. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in different directions and have to decide which need to fill first.  "Mommy look!, Look at me Mommy....Mommy? Mommy?  MOMMY?", then when I do turn to look and lose sight of Baby O for one second, he has already crawled over to the dog bowls (which I always seem to forget to put up high in the morning) and either has a fistful of dog food or has turned over the water bowl.  I feel like I'm not as patient or understanding as I could be all the time.   Some days my attitude is a bit lacking. When I find myself getting frustrated, I try to find an activity to do outside with both boys-I am always amazed at what a little fresh air can do for a (aka my) poor attitude. 

Another issue that consumes much of my thought is attachment and bonding-something that every adoptive parent must deal with to some degree.  Are they looking me in the eye? Are they smiling and laughing enough?  Are they comfortable?  More importantly, do they recognize us as their parents?  This last question always leaves me wondering.  Baby O definitely recognizes our voices and faces now.  He will reach for us and lets us know what he needs.  He smiles more and looks us in the eye.  He just started to return our kisses this weekend.  These are huge milestones to us. 

From the outside, I'm sure it looks like Boy O has transitioned beautifully-and he has-given the fact that we have only been home for eight weeks.  He is anxious when we leave the house and new people come to visit-now that communication has progressed, we can explain that we will be coming home and visitors will be leaving. He genuinely wants to be here and  is always eager to please.  People seem amazed and sometimes impressed that he called us Mommy and Daddy from the beginning.  But what they don't understand is that it's just a word to him.  He's just now noticing that other children in the neighborhood call their parents Mommy and Daddy too.  It will take more than eight weeks to know the true meaning of what Mommy and Daddy means in this family.  It breaks my heart sometimes as his parent but those are times that I have to step back, take a deep breath, think logically and trust that the unconditional love we feel for our beautiful boys will prevail.  

Even though I whine and worry a lot, parenthood has been an absolutely amazing ride and it is by far everything I thought it would be and more-with every frustration there are far more touching and funny moments-too many to count.  We are having so much fun. We have waited for what seems like eternity to have our sons with us and wouldn't change a thing.  Not a thing.

Caught In the Act!

The Cheerio bandit strikes again!

With a little help from his friend of course.

Progress & Tidbits

Things are most definitely different around here and although it may be too early say, we are making progress as a family.  We are savoring every moment of parenthood.  I haven't written specifically about the boys yet, so I thought it might be nice to share some fun tidbits.

From the pictures we had before traveling to Ethiopia, I would never have suspected that Boy O had such a sense of humor!  He loves to joke around and fill the house with laughter.

Baby O can hold and control his own bottle now.  Hallelujah!

Boy O is learning English so fast-his first full sentence was "Daddy, you are stinky!"  (In Daddy O's defense, we had just run 14 miles).

We are not sure if Baby O recognizes us yet as his parents, so we have instituted a rule that no one else besides us and immediate family members hold him.  This combined with more time spent together, we have noticed that he can recognize our voices,  is smiling more for us & less for strangers, and is finally reaching for us.

Someone actually (I'm not pulling your chain!) asked me if Daddy O and I planned on telling the boys that they were adopted.  In hindsight, instead answering with laughter, I wish I had said something like "No-don't say anything to anyone!-they have no idea."  Anyone else have any funny/interesting comments they have gotten on this subject?

This family has a serious addiction to cheerios!  You know it's bad when the dog even recognizes the big yellow box and they are mentioned before meals when we give thanks.

Daddy O's motorcycle is a constant topic of discussion for Boy O.  He wants to see his Daddy ride it so badly and when he was told that it needed a new battery, he immediately ran into the kitchen and retrieved 2 triple A batteries from the junk drawer.

Baby O is pulling himself up and standing-he climbs over everything.  I am finding it hard to keep up....

We have a 'thing' after dinner now-if Boy O eats a big meal, he demonstrates how strong he is and struts around until you feel how big his stomach has gotten.  This is really cute at home but has proven embarrassing in public ("Mommy, look-BIG stomach!).

At some point in the future, I'm sure Daddy O will look back on the day that Boy O locked the bathroom door with no one on the other side as humorous.  Of course the key was nowhere to be found, so a trip to the local home improvement store ensued.

We can't tell what Baby O's future profession might be just yet, but are sure that 'negotiator' would fit Boy O perfectly.

Baby O has 5 teeth completely in and 2 more are on the cusp of coming through.  He loves to chew on everything except his teething toys.


The first trip to the dentist went great-Boy O does not have any cavities and he did great for the X-rays and cleaning.


We have slept through the night for the last week now without Baby O getting up once-of course I probably just jinxed it.

The training wheels on Boy O's bike have come off!  He also loves to accessorize his bike-it has a tall orange flag, license plate, spiderman bell as well as all the earphones from the plane trip wrapped around the handle bars.  I like to refer to it as boy streamers or  boy glitter.

I would say that the sprinkler in the back yard was a success! I just hope he doesn't catch a glimpse of the neighbor's pool.